A sermon this morning got me thinking.
Yes, that’s news. Often on Sundays I’m very worn out from prepping for service, a bad night’s sleep the night before, or am just needing rest. By the time the sermon starts and I’m forced to sit for 15-20 minutes and my body thinks I’ve actually gone to bed and shuts down. Combine that with the fact that most pastors have a naturally soothing voice, and it’s a recipe for Robert not learning much during Church.
Today I could stay awake, though. Maybe it was from running the sound board. Maybe I got a good night’s rest. Most likely, I wanted to hear what the new pastor has to say about things. Not surprisingly, it was worth listening to.
The big take home part for me was when EG asked what was worth dying for. I don’t hear that very often any more. For such a long time I’ve sought things worth living for, but dying for? That’s a new one at this stage. Maybe it was the place I was in today (feeling very unattached, among other things), but I started thinking that I would give my life to end loneliness. And mostly mine, though there was a glimmer of the “oh yeah, and all of these other people on the planet, too, I guess” in there.
It’s necessary to say that I’m not very lonely. I have dozens of people I’d call my closest friends who know my life rather intimately. I am well loved by friends and family both, respected by my co-workers, and don’t have a lack of social interaction. However, at the end of the day, I still face the simple fact that I am alone in a cloud of caring and loving people. Some days, it’s incredibly painful. Most days, that’s just fine and I am content.
And so the sermon challenged me to realize that I would give my life for that reality to be over and another begun where such lonliness was not possible. Where I could retain individuality and my sense of self, but never feel disconnected or unattached. I don’t plan on dying any time soon, but that’s something I thought I’d die for when I was asked earlier today. I may stumble on other things as this particular idea makes itself at home in my mind.
And for anyone thinking “what kind of church is this that asks such a question?” the sermon wasn’t nearly as macabre and dark as this post may suggest. The entire service was warm and light-hearted, but still piercing in that strangely pleasant way that friends have to both love and call you out at the same time. EG’s sermon was right in line with that.