- Scheduling. At least lately (others may argue that scheduling is always hard for me, but that’s for another day). Either because I agreed to do things that didn’t have specific dates and times when I agreed to do them or because I waited until the last minute to say I’d do something that it was clear I was going to be doing from the get go (and thus not getting it on my calendar). The end result of this today has been to leave a good friend and all-around great guy in the lurch for something as simple as a movie. This leads directly to…
- Granting myself forgiveness. I screw up fairly often, but usually in a very small ways that aren’t noticed or are easily fixed before anyone has a chance to notice. But I’m having a “I screwed this one up big time” day and it was pretty obvious that I didn’t do very well by someone here. I’ve gone on to spend the next hour or two really ripping myself apart for my mistake until I realize this: I didn’t do well by my friend, but ripping myself apart is going to make it better mostly because he wouldn’t take any joy from that (one of the big reasons I count him as a friend). I have making up to do, no question, but I can’t start that until I forgive myself. If I don’t, I’m making it up for my shortcomings from a position of guilt, not a desire for friendship. But this is incredibly hard to do. It sucks to carry guilt of any magnitude, but it’s so much easier than letting it go even when letting it go is the better choice. And that’s not broaching the subject of whether you can forgive yourself when the person done wrong hasn’t (not an example of today’s situation, I think, but definitely a corollary to the discussion).
Update: Posted from the other side of the story here. Frustration is a good word for it and I think it’s safe to say we are both frustrated with me today.