I gave the talk last night at Informal Worship. I thought it went very well. I had a good time talking about part of my life in front of a group of my friends and feel like I got a point across.
The problem is that while I knew the points I wanted to make before the talk started (I actually set them down over a month ago), as soon I started, almost everything went straight out the window. I wasn’t nervous, rather quite excited. So it wasn’t nerves that changed my talk and thus whatever point I had intended to make.
At a couple of points I tried very hard to get back to the points I had wanted to make. Each time I did that, it was like trying to talk through a mouthful of molasses. So I went back to feeling like I had no point and things flowed much easier. In the end, the same story was told and the greater point of a way that Jesus works in our lives was made.
As I drove home, all of these points that seemed necessary to make kept coming up in my mind; the things that now seem very important to have said that were left unsaid without knowing that I missed them entirely. It made me want to post the practice recording I made over a month ago as that had more of the points I wanted to make.
But I won’t. Part of my continued healing and growth is to trust people more and more, particularly my friends. My desire to “set the record straight” about the points I missed last night is an echo of the feeling that if the whole, complete story with every point outlined nicely and placed in the perfect context is another way of making sure people think well of me. The problem with that is people already think well of me.