Well, August passed with only two and a half “Define the Relationship” talks, no massive breakdowns in my mental state (unless those people I’ve been talking to aren’t really there), no major trauma of any kind to my body or spirit, and actually a lot of good things (Catalina, Disneyland, Blogathon, under budget, happy more often than I used to be, etc.).
Sabrina’s advice to relax and be positive was taken to heart. I have to admit, I didn’t always have a positive outlook. I did spend the last days of August just trying to lay low, partly from just wanting to have an August that didn’t have a bad event, but also because I was fairly tired and still running on all cylinders when maybe only two were working. When the DTRs happened, I went into the conversations thinking, “This is it. This is when at least part of my life will start to crash.” And it wasn’t. To the contrary there was remarkable freedom during and after both. One not so happy and rather tragic, I think, but not traumatizing (at least for me). The other was a relief.
I also took time off from my life to recharge in ways I realized I haven’t done in a while. I think one of the things about living alone is that you have to go somewhere to actually be alone. With roommates, there is the novelty of having the place to yourself that I found to be restorative on occasion, along with other things. Now, I’m always alone in the place. To go to Disneyland, be surrounded by at least 20,000 people and even more if you count cast members, but be entirely alone was a new experience. When I met a friend for dinner on a whim, I was able to be entirely present with her in ways I haven’t found possible lately. Catalina was restorative in other ways of being able to assert my sense of self in ways and with people for which I don’t usually have the opportunity. To maintain who I am and what I was there for in the midst of going with the flow and doing my best to help out was remarkably calming.
All that to say, August didn’t suck. More so, I had a wonderful month. There were still ups and downs, of course, but more ups than downs. I got to play this August. Like a child asking the neighborhood moms if the kids can come out to play.
For everyone who was there in whatever fashion, I had a great time. Let’s play again soon, please.