Thus begins a new year. Last night, I enjoyed myself at a nice get together of friends to ring in the new year. It wasn’t incredibly awkward and I was, thankfully, not the only single person there. In fact, all of the other singles were women, which would have made for an evening that could have ended in my favor if it weren’t for the fact all of them are the kinds of friends of mine that are less than not likely to progress in that fashion. Still, it was a good time and I actually surprised myself in laughing and being able to hold a good feeling.
Today was the first of what is meant to be many movie days at my church’s chapel that I’m planning. I’m not personally a huge James Bond fan, though neither do I dislike it, but we were too watch From Russia with Love and Goldfinger as a double feature. Future events I have in mind are the classis Star Wars trilogy and the endurance event that will be all three Extended Editions of The Lord of the Rings.
I’m trying to be hopeful that both of those draw more than the four people who showed up today, including myself. Two left early, so saying four people were there is being a bit generous. Of course, it’s New Year’s Day, people are staying in to watch football or are with family. I don’t think I would have expected more than myself to show up to this had I not been told by several people that they would be coming. I don’t really blame anyone, when I woke up this morning, the last thing I wanted to do was leave the house.
None the less, today was incredibly embarrasing for me and while talking about it here only makes sure everyone knows that I’m embarrases, it’s much better right now than the questions I’m apt to get tomorrow at church from people asking how it went and having to tell the story over and over again or lie and feel worse.
The challenge now is to keep from ratcheting myself up in feeling abandoned, neglected, left behind, or whatever other thougths and feelings I have learned over the last decade to resort to when such things happen. It’s a trick to not look at this as commentary on who I am. The harder trick is to not look at this as commentary on how I am valued by my friends. And even harder, to see that how I am valued by my friends, positive or negative, as not being commentary on who I am either.
That is the challenge before me tonight. And the challenge to hope that the year only gets better from here. At the very least, there are another 364 chances for a better day before 2006 rolls around.