I’ve found myself thinking a bit about the roles that people play in my life as a whole lately. Most notably as two very good friends of mine encouraged me, somewhat unintentionally, to look back on this last year. I tend to do this around my birthday, but the year’s end seems like it could be a fitting time for some small bit of reflection.
A lot has changed in my life since last Christmas time. I’ve been outside of the United States for the first time ever. I’ve watched friendships change and refashion themselves while encuoraging new ones in other arenas. I’ve largely come to terms with pains from my youth and began to learn how to rise to new challenges similar nature just in time for them to pop up in my life. I’ve taken a drug that could have caused me a bit of harm to hopefully eradicate the remaining physical scars of my youth.
In looking back, I think I’ve learned a good bit about forgiveness and God’s love. Mostly from the experience of having to ask for forgiveness, whether I receive it or not, from my fellows. Further, to learn how to accept the forgiveness of God, to love those who do not forgive me, to forgive them for not accepting an apology, or to forgive and receive forgiveness from those I can’t redress wrongs with.
Lately, I have been mentally and emotionally bathing in the idea of forgiveness, both mind and God’s. On my better days, I have the background thoughts of my mind meditating on the idea contantly. On my worst of days, I may get a few minutes of thought in before the noise of the world and myself drown them out. Trying to capture that as a thought as familiar as breathing is what I wish. And some times, it seems I’ve just about gotten it.
All of this, and much more this year, wove together from the countless interactions, or lack of interaction in certain cases, that took place in the last year. Each person had their role. Some as the instigators, others as counselors, still others as observers or even as non-participants.