A few hours have passed. Now my pain is coming from a much more recognized source and, indeed, something I have to deal with from all sorts of relationships for a long time.
The pain of being excluded.
From here on out, a friendship that was three will be, more often, a relationship between two of them and I will be present from time to time with either or both of them. But they will be closer, and some day possibly the, center of each other’s worlds. And I will not be included in that.
It is the way of things and it will not be the last time such a thing happens. But this is close to home, these are the people I have been closest to in many ways for a while. Now they will be closest to each other and I don’t know where I will fit in the schema of their worlds.
Now there is the simple fact that I don’t need to fit in their worlds. A time will come when this doesn’t hurt any more and it is entirely possible that we will no longer be a part of each other’s lives. Or not, the future is not mine to predict, but my existance will continue just fine in the way it will now be apart from them. Getting to that point is another matter.