So now I’m working on developling a sense of self. This really has been what it turns out I’ve been working on the entire time, just in different ways. From understanding that my ideas are not me and that other’s ideas are not me or a reflection of who I am now to understanding that how others value and/or treat me is a reflection of my inherent value and worth as a human being. That goes for the good and the bad.
Doing that, however, is rather difficult to accomplish. I have found myself in competition for so long with or for people close to me that it’s like asking someone my age to relearn how to read. I already know how to operate this way, of feeling like I’m losing or not thought of well. Learning a new pattern is troubling in some ways, freeing in others, but difficult all around.