I had a friend who, for all intents and purposes, broke me into pieces today. I’m going to be honest with her, so I feel free to be honest here as well. What it comes down to is that someone I was once interested in rejected me and we agreed to be just friends. But I didn’t follow through on that, though not intentionally.
In reality, I haven’t been just friends to her since then. Sometimes knowingly and sometimes not, I’ve been harboring these feelings for her and they’ve festered, for lack of a better term, not being recognized or accepted. In fact, they’ve been continually rejected. This became very clear to me in the last 24 hours.
But this really started just over 14 years ago. My circle of friends wrote me a note one day. The main point was that they wanted me gone for whatever reason. That was a door slammed in my face and from then on an event associated in different ways when other doors were slammed in my face.
The rejection and trauma I felt then, but never was able to face, is echoed into the rejection I feel today. But more so, I’ve been a broken person since that day 14 years ago. So today I start on a journey to take the broken pieces of my life that I’ve been pretending were whole and offer them as the best I can give to a God who loves me no matter how many pieces I come in.