For the first time in a month, I’ve hit one of these times of depression that has sent me to get therapy in the first place. What sparked this? Who can say. A conversation with a housemate last night while I was cooking dinner may have. Or the car drive to LAX with a friend where I realized that we have little, if not nothing at all, to talk about with each other. As I type, I think the latter was the pebble that started this avalanche.

And so what do I do? I have no idea how to deal with this. I feel attacked from all sides with negative, self-demeaning thoughts and feelings that I can’t seem to get control of. I try the HeartMath technique that I learned in previous sessions, but I can’t quite get to a place where that works.

I feel like I’m under a cloud that’s pushing down on me. And it’s much easier to surrender than flail without much hope against it. I’ve learned from the past that it will go away for a time sooner or later.

But, ironically, I’m glad this happened today. I can bring it to my therapist and say, “Here. This is why I came to see you.” We’ll see if anything comes of that.