Well, my session went pretty well today, in the end. What it comes down to is that I’m learning just how much I associate my own self and identity with the ideas that I have.
These can be ideas about relationships and where they should go or what the best is for them. Ideas at work of the most efficient way to get a job done and how to handle those times when it doesn’t work out as well as we’d hope for. Ideas about how the house continues to functions. All of these I see as being a large part of who I am, so if they are shot down in any fashion (or revered), I take it personally.
It’s a slap in the face to have an idea shot down. This is normal, but I make it out to be a extension of my character. People don’t shoot my ideas down, they shoot me down. This, I’m seeing, is at the root of most, if not all, of my struggles, be they depression, anger or near-addictive tendencies.
The problem is, separating my self from my ideas means figuring what my self is. Nature abhors a vaccuum and that is just what is created in the absence of my ideas, at least at this point (and I explained this to my therapist). So I guess now part of this journey is to work on finding on what really is in that vaccuum.