Car Washing

I left work a touch early today to stop by the car wash. In case you hadn’t seen my car, the back window was really a semi-transparent wall of dirt. No window to speak of anymore.

Well, thanks to the magic of washing cars, the window is back now and the dirt is gone. The dirt is gone from the rest of my car, too, or as much as possible. The car is green once more, not brown trying to look green.

As I told a co-worker today, I need to wash Redlands off of my car.

What actually got me moving on this was the people who told me my car needed to be washed. Folks at church did that quite often, but it wasn’t until someone who does not often comment on anything about me outside of work mentioned it that I realized how badly this needed to happen. I listen to the folks at church, but usually assign them more credence on weightier matters than the state of my car. People who don’t usually comment,though, get my attention there.

I don’t know what that says about me, my friends, or my acquaintances, but I somehow think this isn’t a good sign.

Figuring it Out

I don’t get asked very often if everything is OK or if there is something I need to talk about.  I mean the concerned, worried perspective that people sometimes get when they see odd things in their friends or family.  I take it as a good thing that I don’t hear this often.

I heard it twice today from two different people.

I think I’m OK and doing just fine, but make a point of stopping to take stock when something like this happens, just to be sure.  It wouldn’t be the first time I wasn’t doing well on some level without knowing.

I’ve been thinking lately about what brings fulfillment to my life.  I can either claim neutrality or say I’m proud of just about everything I do, but whether I feel fulfilled as a person from it is a different story.  Viewing my activities at church as service has been good, though difficult (who exactly am I serving?  is that who I should be serving?).  But I don’t find fulfillment there.  Music is fun and I love singing in the various groups I’m part of, but I don’t find fulfillment.  I love my job, but don’t find fulfillment in the things I do (though fulfillment at work would be icing on the cake rather than expected).

What am I doing that is fulfilling? Anything? Nothing? Am I doing things that are fulfilling but not receiving it? If I were, would people have asked if I was OK today (the root reason for even thinking about this, after all)?

Things for me to think about.

De-Stress

The Counseling Center at Texas Women’s University came up with 52 things to relieve stress.

A must read.  My favorite is number 14.  The hardest for me to do is also number 14.

Five of Them

Engtech is running another contest. Since this gets me to write outside my box a bit, I figured I’d participate again. The fact that there are also prizes is certainly a draw, too.

This month’s contest is to write about five things in as many blog posts as you’d like. Here goes:

Five Things I Plan to Never Do Again:

1. End a relationship for no real reason at all.
2. Let my hair grow out (if it even will).
3. Move into an apartment without checking out my potential neighbors.
4. Try to date a girl who doesn’t want to date me.
5. Put off a good idea because I’m afraid it won’t work.

Dates: Cheap or Low-Cost?

Alright ladies, it’s time for a question for you (knowledgable guys may contribute too, of course).

The God-send of all web sites, Lifehacker, posted about the Top Ten Cheap Dates and I want to know if you think these are good dates that happen to be on the low-end financially or truly cheap dates.

You can see the list of ten at AskMen.com (ironic that I’m asking women in turn).  Please note that it’s a men’s site, apparently, so some of the advertisements may not be geared towards women or be blatantly offensive.  Probably not entirely safe for work, depending.

More on the Friend Zone

I’m finding that people are coming here after googling for various terms around “friend zone.” I guess I’ve said something about that before.

Inspired, I wanted to see just how close to the top I came in. I’m sixth. Not bad. Third if you search like this.

Does that matter? No freakin’ way! But it’s fun.

I looked at the entry for the number two slot and wanted to send it a blogosphere amen because the guy hit the nail on the head. In the past week I’ve been told that I have a nice ass and that I look sexy in a suit (after a memorial service, so I either get bonus points for overcoming sadness or negative points for distracting from the point). In the past 28.75 years I’ve been told that I’m one of the good guys and yet only two women saw fit to follow that to it’s logical conclusion and be in a relationship that include myself. And one of them was pretty crazy in a not-so-fun way.

So yeah, I get it, J.D. So does Erik.

And Erik is right. The Friend Zone is a way to avoid the scary adventures of life and love and friendship. For both sides. Putting the guy (or girl) in the Friend Zone and accepting the existance of the Friend Zone and your presence in it are just ways of saying, “This is how it is and how it will always be and there’s nothing to do to change it in any way so just sit down, shut up, and watch crappy television like a good citizen should.”

Which is clearly wrong.

So what next?  I’ve got no freaking clue. I’m sure that not worrying about where the Friend Zone is and isn’t and where I am in relation to its borders is probably a good way to go for just about everyone.

2006 Weddings

I’m sure there were more than 2,006 weddings this last year.  But someone has posted pictures from a few of them.

Normally this time of year, I’m feeling  a little more down about being single.  Or rather, feeling like I’m single, don’t mind, but don’t want to always be single and don’t really have many opportunities to change that.  While that is definitely more in my face than usual, seeing these pictures made me smile rather than think of it more.  Maybe it’s another small reminder of just what it is to strive for in all of my relationships as well as one in particular that has yet to come about.

So I thought I’d share.

The Friend Zone

I watch Scrubs every once in a while. It’s a great show. One in particular from years ago stuck in my mind, though. In this episode, the guy (I don’t remember any of their names) is after the girl who is waiting in some closet for him to arrive and have sex with her. The entire episode has a countdown clock going for no apparent reason until time runs out just before he shows up.

At this point, you see him open a door labeled “The Friend Zone” that leads to a room full of men who have supposedly been after this girl at some point in the past. They welcome him with smiles and, attaining full loser-ness in the eyes of the show, make comments like, “She’ll come around, really.” From this point on, it’s clear that the guy and girl will be good friends, but never anything more.

This doesn’t haunt me, but I do wonder with some girls I’ve been interested in if there was a point where we became friends to the point that we could never be anything but friends. The result has been that in recent years, I’ve backed off on cultivating a deeper friendship for fear that it would somehow hinder a romantic relationship.

I remembered something important this week, though. That was my first girlfriend back when I was in high school. We were great friends before we started dating. In fact, us being friends was a big part of the reason she started being interested in me at all. To this date, that relationship is the only one I’ve had to speak of (some folks who know me will add a second to that, but it was such a pitiful situation that it barely counts to me).

I’ve noticed a change this week after this realization. I’m relaxed again. I’m being myself again. I’m trying less to impress and more to just be (and if that impresses, there you are). And people respond. The girls do, but so does everyone. For the first time in months, there are people I talk with daily who have started to come to me instead of waiting for me to start the conversation. It says a lot to me about a friendship when the person on the other end makes an effort, however small, particularly if I’ve been the one making all of the effort.

I don’t know where this will lead, but I feel like I’ve rediscovered a part of who I am and what I believe that was dormant and hiding in a cloud of fear and worry. I don’t know how long it will last, if it ends at all. But I’ve had a good week because of it and hope to continue that as the days go on.

When “I’m too busy” really means “No”

I’ve asked a large number of different people in the course of my existance to have lunch with me. More so in recent years, but still a lot of people. And a lot of lunch requests.

It would seem likely that many replies have been, “I’m too busy right now” as opposed to a simple yes or no. In my experience, however, being busy is often used as a shield to say no without the negative connotation (or, to put it another way, to say no “politely”).

How do I tell the difference? If the person is busy, but seeks to schedule for another time, they obviously aren’t saying no. If they never bring it up again and quietly forget that lunch was ever asked about, they really meant to say no (which isn’t at all polite and doesn’t really spare anyone’s feelings but theirs, for the record).

Here’s the question. Am I right? Whether I continue to pursue a growing friendship with someone doesn’t exactly hang in the balance of me being right about this, but close. So I need a bit of advice. (For reference, it’s a girl. No romantic interest to speak of, but mostly from not knowing each other well enough to know, at least from my end. That said, I’ve gotten the “I’m too busy” answer for “No” from men and women equally.)

More to come if I get a response at all.

UPDATE: There’s also the “what have I got to lose” approach.  Particularly since there really isn’t anything to lose.  That is to say letting them know that “I’m too busy” means picking a later date when they, presumably, wouldn’t be busy.   This, of course, puts more trust in the person actually being too busy (which I have trouble doing, explaining the premise of this post).

Also worth noting is that I probably say I’m too busy to lots of things where I would be more honest in saying no.  I don’t hold myself exempt from the behavior, but do find it frustrating.

Mapping Heroism

James Kim’s death while trying to save his family has been in the news for the last couple of days.   This sparked on the tech blogs when the family first went missing in late November.  I didn’t know who James Kim was, but I was crushed to read the news that he had died in light of the outpouring of comments and unconditional support that I’ve read since they went missing.

To show just how hard this man worked to save his family, someone took screencaps of several maps showing the path he walked in the dead of winter.

The amount of determination to walk this in the cold after days without a real meal is staggering.